The Puzzle of my Christian Walk

So I'm kind of at an odd place in my life. The place between wow looked at God has done for me the past 6 months (as of tomorrow) and kind of this scared and anxious feeling about leaving in 3 months. Why? Because I'm scared when I go back to the States I will lose sight of all that I have learned, that I will get a full time job, pay off my bills, and be back in the "American Dream". I don't want the "American Dream" I want to be a missionary for the rest of my life and share the gospel to this lost and dying world. This last month has opened my eyes to a new step of my Christian walk. The trials got harder but the reward was awesome. During the middle of my sickness last month, I finally just wept before my Jesus, my trust, my hope, my deliver, my fortress, my rock and cried out with everything inside of me to show me what to do. I prayed for strength to continue doing HIS will for my life. The next day I felt a joy and peace deep down in my Spirit and I felt better than I had in months. This joy and peace has stayed with me for the past few weeks and that’s how I know it isn't the "emotional" joy and peace but the kind that this world can't understand...it comes from my Savior. I started working 2 weeks ago with the Zerma kids with my supervisor and I have fallen in love with it. This is what I wanted to be doing in Niger. I want to be helping and witnessing to the lost people and show God's love and mercy. The kids are so precious. I have one little boy that walked beside me last week, looked up, and timidly took my hand. Such a simple little gesture such as a hug, holding hands, and a smile matters so much to these children. The culture here is different than in the States. There are very few parents that show affection to their children. Here the Muslims have a couple of wives and alot of children. Just to see one of these children smile back at me...it makes my heart sing.

 During the summer, my roommate (miss you Jordan) and I were in a place of despondency. We wanted to be working with kids and making a difference in Niger. The guesthouse we stay at- it is super nice compared to most places in Niger and sometimes it is too nice. We are isolated from the Zerma people to some extent.... It begins to feel American with the running water, electricity, and internet. Sadly enough sometimes it’s nice when the electricity goes out and the generator doesn't come on...for a moment it feels like I really am in Africa. Anyways back to me and Jordan.....so one day we decided to go prayer walking (I think I blogged about this) and while neither one of us had been prayer walking before we just wanted to do something in the form of ministry and we longed to hang out with some local children. Anyways while we were walking we all the sudden stumbled upon some children playing. We got really excited and went and after a few moments of looking at these two annasara's they finally let us start playing with them. It was a really good encouraging moment for me and Jordan. We went back a couple of time and played with them, taught them some English, and just had alot of fun. Sadly once Jordan left, and with the monthly malaria, I haven't been back to see them since August. I had wondered about them but I don't really feel "safe" walking to see them by myself so I just had to pray for them. Well, now almost 4 months later, I was telling my supervisor about them and she mentioned going to see them for a kids club.....so last Saturday at 4pm we drove to the place we last saw them. At first glance there were no children, the stone wall we had played in front of was now a construction location and the once green field was now barren and empty. I was kind of disappointed and then I saw something further up the road....it was our kids! I was so happy! We pulled up and as I walked up to them to my surprise one girl called out "Gemossey" (one of my Zerma names) and we hugged. I can't believe after 4 months this precious girl remembered me and not only me but my name too. She asked about Jordan and Stephanie and the frisbee too. Pretty soon the rest of the "August" group came and after hugs and lots of smiles, my supervisor setup a day and time for us to go and start a kid's club with this group. I'm so excited! Not just because it’s a kid's club but because in the midst of my and Jordan's period this summer when we thought we were not effective and disappointed…that is was for a greater purpose because God arranged us to meet these kids and form a connection. This connection has now opened the door for my supervisor to begin a kid's club and to teach these children about Jesus Christ and I am blessed to get to be a part of this group  Isn't that awesome? Jesus sees the whole picture and we need to realize as Christians that even when we feel ineffective and useless in our Christian walk that we are effective.

 I want you to think of your Christian walk as the process of putting a puzzle together. God knows all the pieces, and he places each piece exactly where it needs to go and fit perfectly. Sometimes we may try to make a piece fit and if we stubbornly choose to stay in that spot then what happens to the rest of the pieces? We have totally gotten in the way of God's plan for our lives and tried to trust ourselves with our future. I use to think I was in control of my life....I had a job, I could take care of myself, I was self sufficient and I didn't have to listen to anyone......well that was wrong. God gave me my job, God took care of me, God supplied all my needs, and He holds my future. I don't know what tomorrow will hold but God holds my tomorrow in his hand...PRAISE THE LORD :) I don't have to worry about tomorrow, next week, next month or next year because I trust my Savior and pray for HIS will in my life so I can have the assurance everything will be ok no matter what happens good or bad. Another thing about life is trials. Think of each puzzle piece being placed together and sometimes the puzzle will fall apart if it isn’t secure right? Sometimes people glue puzzle pieces together to keep them together. Trials/Temptations are the glue. Overcoming trials is what molds us into the image that God has designed for us. After completing each trial, the glue is placed into that puzzle piece and we are stronger because God is with us and we need to strive to live for him. One day our puzzle will be completed, it may be worn but it will be the most beautiful, perfect and completed puzzle that was created :)

One thing that I was never really taught about during my Christian walk was suffering. I always knew there would be temptations and trials but never really learned about suffering till I got to Niger. I am a firm believer in the saying "Everything happens for a reason and a purpose". Well since I've been here I've been reading my Bible and reading 4 different books each night for one hour. This has been a trial at times because I'm tired and an hour some nights seems like forever. It is amazing to me however that each time I finish a book of the Bible that I am led to begin a different book of the Bible and even though I'm reading four books in four different locations they all confirm and say the same thing to me and it is at a time when I least expect it. My best friend Liz sent me a devotional and it is amazing how it to goes along with my nightly Bible reading. God has sent me encouragement and confirmation in the least expected ways and I love it. But back to suffering, while I was sick in Niger, I heard my different versions of why I was sick 1.) I was sick because I wasn't supposed to be away from my husband and needed to go back to be with him 2.) I was never supposed to come to Niger 3.) God was trying to show me that I needed to go home........well while I have learned to listen to input and not turn a rebellious, stubborn and prideful head to suggestions from fellow Christians I would have say the reason I was sick for so long was because 1.) I had too much pride and needed to learn humility 2.) It was trial - would I trust God enough to stay in Niger despite the future consequences 3.) I was learning how to suffer and be a disciple for Christ. If I had never gotten malaria would I have grown spiritually as much as I have....simple answer: NO....I'm glad to suffer for Christ. I would like to teach a Bible study on suffering for Christ one day... Looking back at what I just finished reading I have learned alot from the prophets and apostles suffering....to name a few: Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Stephen, Paul, Peter, Moses and Abraham. Each suffered in their own way but when the worst looked them in their face did they run from it. No! They fought for Jesus Christ's gospel to reach this dying world and even in death they smiled at the enemy. I pray that one day I can stand firm against the devil and press on no matter what happens. I say I pray because I would like to believe I can stand strong in everything but just like Peter I may fail God also. John 13:36-38 - Peter was so sure of his strength that he didn't think he would fail but he did. We must constantly realize our flesh is weak and we will fail if we don't stay on our knees and pray that God would help us and show us the way away from the temptation. So fellow Christians, if you suffer for Christ be glad that you can suffer for Christ!!!!!! Stand strong against Satan and fight the course that placed at our feet! Smile during your suffering because you never know who is watching and how God is working it for your good. Your puzzle is being built! ;) We will fight for the ones we love but why won't we fight for the one who created us and loves us so much more than anyone on this earth? DO NOT BE ASHAMED OF JESUS CHRIST!!!!! GOD IS WORTH IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

•  Philippians 1:20-21 :According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain

• Philippians 1:29 :For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;

•  Philippians 3:7-10: But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ, And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;

•    James 1: 2-4 :My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

•  2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 :For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

•  2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 :And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

•  1 Peter 1:6-9 : Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ: Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.