The New Old
I was in the hospital for 8 days, and was finally diagnosed with POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). Basically my heart races and I feel exhausted, having done nothing but sit or stand up. Everyone that knows me, knows I think of myself as Xena, the Princess Warrior, and that I have no limits. The truth is, especially with POTS, my body is more like Spongebob Squarepants. I have limits to my body and by learning these boundaries, and making some lifestyle changes, I have been able to come off medication and live with POTS. Praise the Lord! I said all that to say this, this summer I hit a bad low in my life. My health failed, my marriage went through a crisis, we separated and eventually got back together in a different house, my ministry stalled with no end in sight, and I was completely undone. Who knows that undone doesn't mean forgotten? God uses our brokenness and weakness to give glory and honor to Him! God is our strength when we are at our weakest point. God is our comforter and refuge in our times of trouble. Psalms 27:1 is my life verse, it is also double important to me because it is my children's name meanings. Eleora, Elisea, Elikai mean God is my Light, God is my Salvation and God is my Savior. The whole chapter is such a strong encouragement to me when I am going through a hard time. Anyways, enough rabbits let me get back on the story; This summer when everything was going on, my best friend and I decided to start doing a women's Bible study together. I needed to get into the word of God and find that peace that only God can give. We were going to do the Bible study on Spiritual warfare. Alas, God had different plans and we ended up doing a bible study on Hosea (http://www.jenniferrothschild.com/hosea1/) and instead of just me and Dominique it ended up being a small group of Mom's and young ladies. It was an amazing Bible study and showed me that despite everything that is going on around me, that God loves me, no matter how many times I mess up, he is there ready to forgive me and love me despite my flaws. It also showed me that during my times of brokenness, I was not useless. I would have never chosen to do a Bible study due to my lack of time and commitment issues but Dominique is my encourager and pushes me to do things I would normally never do ;) Together we make a great team, and I am blessed to have her as one of my best friends. By helping lead the Bible study, I learned that in my complete brokenness I could still minister, by helping the hurting and encouraging others. It also taught me a very important life and ministry lesson; just be me. Show every flaw, show every broken piece, show every angry piece, show everything, be transparent. Let people know you are just a normal person who is just like them. Be real, so you can show what God has truly done in your life. Although at times, I'm sure they would have rather had my cray cray side tamed down some ;) In January, we started a new Bible study on Forgiveness. Let me say, it is a tough cookie to eat. It gets deep to your heart, and then squeezes out the bitterness and anger so that like a sponge you can reabsorb God's love (yes that was a Stacey-alogy). True forgiveness loves despite the circumstances, forgets the offense without being asked, and trusts completely. OUCH, but so needed. A lot has changed the past year but all for God's glory. I've learned to reach out to others who are hurting, I've learned how to pray, and I've learned how to say "God, here I am, please please please use me for Your glory. No matter if it looks crazy to the world, no matter if it doesn't make sense to anyone but you, please use me for Your glory and to further Your Kingdom. And just this week, I've learned how to say, God if I never get to go back to serve in Africa, I will still love and serve You wherever I am.
Now for another analogy. This is a little skin lesson for you. A lot of "Christians" today are like the epidermis, superficial and easily scratched off. They are lacking a real relationship with Jesus and due to this they just come and go without ever sticking around permanently. Our plans are kind of like the epidermis, they come and go, change and get redone last minute because of some small problem.
There are two other layers known as the dermis and hypodermis. What is the hypodermis?
The hypodermis is the innermost and thickest layer of the skin. It is essentially composed of a type of cells specialized in accumulating and storing fats, known as adipocytes. The hypodermis acts as an energy reserve. The fats contained in the adipocytes can be put back into circulation, via the venous route, during intense effort or when there is a lack of energy providing substances, and are then transformed into energy. When we speak of "burning up calories", we are burning up fats in particular. The hypodermis participates, passively at least, in thermoregulation since fat is a heat insulator.
Do you see where I am going with this? When we trust in ourselves, it is just superficial, easily broken. If we will put our faith and trust in Jesus Christ, we will not fail. We will be protected and safe, his plans will run deep through our veins, and when we get weak he will show his strength. When we put our trust in Jesus Christ, we won't be hurt. Lord, I pray Your will not mine. When we pray this, then and only then can we truly know peace. We can be ready for the future, not because we know it but because we know the One who is in control of it. I don't know my future but it's ok. Because right now, I am right where God wants me, and for that I am thankful. I am thankful that despite my flaws, God still will use me and has given me back a ministry. I'm thankful I am a child of God and that he loves me; broken and torn, but cherished by my maker, held up in this war, waving high saying keep going, keep fighting, the flag is still flying........
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