And 20 years later
This past year Mike got a fiber splicing job in the Florida Keys. Yes, I said the Florida Keys, I had a glorious time for 6 weeks only watching my kids and homeschooling them. No business stuff, no hard labor at a show till all hours of the night, no paperwork, no accounting, no planning, nothing but watching and having fun with my babies. My stress level went from a 9 to a 1.5. It was great. But after living in a camper with 6 people for 6 weeks it makes you realize how much junk you hold onto that you don't really need. With that being said, look what I found last week. Hidden in a box full of movies was 3 of my journals from 20 years ago. So today, I sat down to look through them. I didn't remember being that way. Every day I weighed myself and put how I just wanted to lose 15 more pounds so this guy would like me. Thinking my personal appearance would change how he viewed me, not realizing how shallow He really was if that is the only reason He liked me. My parents had just gotten divorce so there was anger, bitterness and depression mixed into those pages as well. If I am going to really be honest. Lots of cussing because back then I assumed to be cool you had to cuss. I also assumed to be beautiful and perfect that I needed to exercise every morning, at lunch, and at night. I worked at the gym so it was easy to do. I also assumed that I need to eat very little and then make myself throw up to try to keep up with my friends and my younger hot sister. Every guy liked her so maybe if I was skinnier they would like me too, right? Wow this is harder to type out then I thought it would be, but this past weekend I heard not one but two Pastors says something that stuck with me. One is that deep cries out to deep, and the second was why are you allowing old feelings to linger in your life. So I am being open to my old feelings from 20 years ago in hopes that it will help someone else in the present.
Number One - No guy is worth you starving your body for - period. The outer body fades away and you are "stuck" with who you are on the inside. So rather than trying to perfect something externally, why don't you work on your emotional and spiritual body? If your fulfillment is in a person, are you really ever going to be fulfilled? No. The only fulfillment is in JESUS and being a child of God and walking daily with him. Do you know the King of Kings formed you for a purpose and He has a calling for your life? Do you know he numbers your tears? The creator of the whole universe knows your tears. That speaks volumes to me, I'm not a nobody or the outcast to my Jesus but I am a daughter who has an Creator that knows every time a tear falls down my face.
Psalms 56: 8 Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?
9 When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me.
10 In God will I praise his word: in the Lord will I praise his word.
11 In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.
Number Two - Oh this is a hard one, that I am still trying to adjust to, if I do everything PERFECT then I will have love and acceptance. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG. My life can NOT be about pleasing other people. It made/makes me EXHAUSTED trying to please everyone. I hated myself because I couldn't "fix" all my friend's problems, or my problems. You know who was the problem? ME, yep me, I said it. I was trying to do God's job and run the universe and took on the burden of everyone else and my problem's when my little self couldn't fix it. I was NEVER called to do that, and I picked up mine and everybody's problems and put them on my shoulders and like a football player I attempted to carry them. Everybody needed Stacey strong and they always told me their problems and guess what? Me, Stacey, would hate myself for not being stronger. Do you see how cunning the devil is? He made me miserable why I was trying to do a good thing and help people? The problem was I was trying to help them and not turning to God to help me and them. Just recently I learned something deep. Prayer is the best way to change a situation. You are probably thinking duh how did you not know that? I had a head knowledge but it didn't really get in my heart. It was just a cliche to me. But then one night I got on my face and I searched my heart and I prayed to God from the depths of my pain, heart and lostness. He heard me and then I discovered just how to pray. Praying to God is more than just words, and more than reciting words from someone else, and more than giving a few minutes a day to God. It is genuinely and honestly searching yourself and being open to your pain, open to your problems, opening up your mind AND your heart to Jesus. Heart yes your heart, your whole heart, soul and mind, being real with the ONE who knows your thoughts already. So why do I have to be real if he knows them? Because a real friend tells all their secrets to this best friend, and doesn't hold back. And Jesus is your Savior and Lord, shouldn't He be your best friend? The relationship with Him is more than you could ever have with a person on this world. Your prayer life is a direct line to getting help for your problems. You want to see your life turn around, get on your knees, repent of your sins, seek His will for your life, and trust Him no matter what comes at you. Look up at the Lord and not down at your own problems. Spend time in prayer and get into a heart relationship with Jesus not a head ritual.
I was planning on writing more but I feel like I should stop there today. Why don't you go find a quiet place and try praying to Jesus. Does it feel silly to pray out loud? Well get in a quiet place and do it. How are you suppose to trust God and have a relationship with Him if you can't even pray to him? He doesn't need rituals, and big words, he just wants you. All of you, your hurts, pains, thoughts, bitterness, anger, and false idols. Once all that is gone, then you can hear His voice and leading and then you can continue on His plans for your life. Don't be burdened down on your path, tired and hopelessly. Reach out for His hand, and walk with Him, not ahead or against Him. But walk with Jesus, talk with Jesus and live for Jesus!
Jeremiah 17
5 Thus saith the LORD; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the LORD.
6For he shall be like the heath in the desert, and shall not see when good cometh; but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land and not inhabited.
7Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.
8For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.
9The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
10I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, andaccording to the fruit of his doings.
11As the partridge sitteth on eggs, and hatcheth them not; so he that getteth riches, and not by right, shall leave them in the midst of his days, and at his end shall be a fool.
Jeremiah's Prayer for Deliverance
12A glorious high throne from the beginning is the place of our sanctuary.
13O LORD, the hope of Israel, all that forsake thee shall be ashamed, and they that depart from me shall be written in the earth, because they have forsaken the LORD, the fountain of living waters.
14Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.
15Behold, they say unto me, Where is the word of the LORD? let it come now.
16As for me, I have not hastened from being a pastor to follow thee: neither have I desired the woeful day; thou knowest: that which came out of my lips was right before thee.
17Be not a terror unto me: thou art my hope in the day of evil.
18Let them be confounded that persecute me, but let not me be confounded: let them be dismayed, but let not me be dismayed: bring upon them the day of evil, and destroy them with double destruction.
The Sabbath Renewed
19Thus said the LORD unto me; Go and stand in the gate of the children of the people, whereby the kings of Judah come in, and by the which they go out, and in all the gates of Jerusalem; 20And say unto them, Hear ye the word of the LORD, ye kings of Judah, and all Judah, and all the inhabitants of Jerusalem, that enter in by these gates: 21Thus saith the LORD; Take heed to yourselves, and bear no burden on the sabbath day, nor bring it in by the gates of Jerusalem;22Neither carry forth a burden out of your houses on the sabbath day, neither do ye any work, but hallow ye the sabbath day, as I commanded your fathers. 23But they obeyed not, neither inclined their ear, but made their neck stiff, that they might not hear, nor receive instruction.
24And it shall come to pass, if ye diligently hearken unto me, saith the LORD, to bring in no burden through the gates of this city on the sabbath day, but hallow the sabbath day, to do no work therein;25Then shall there enter into the gates of this city kings and princes sitting upon the throne of David, riding in chariots and on horses, they, and their princes, the men of Judah, and the inhabitants of Jerusalem: and this city shall remain for ever. 26And they shall come from the cities of Judah, and from the places about Jerusalem, and from the land of Benjamin, and from the plain, and from the mountains, and from the south, bringing burnt offerings, and sacrifices, and meat offerings, and incense, and bringing sacrifices of praise, unto the house of the LORD. 27But if ye will not hearken unto me to hallow the sabbath day, and not to bear a burden, even entering in at the gates of Jerusalem on the sabbath day; then will I kindle a fire in the gates thereof, and it shall devour the palaces of Jerusalem, and it shall not be quenched.
Number One - No guy is worth you starving your body for - period. The outer body fades away and you are "stuck" with who you are on the inside. So rather than trying to perfect something externally, why don't you work on your emotional and spiritual body? If your fulfillment is in a person, are you really ever going to be fulfilled? No. The only fulfillment is in JESUS and being a child of God and walking daily with him. Do you know the King of Kings formed you for a purpose and He has a calling for your life? Do you know he numbers your tears? The creator of the whole universe knows your tears. That speaks volumes to me, I'm not a nobody or the outcast to my Jesus but I am a daughter who has an Creator that knows every time a tear falls down my face.
9 When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me.
10 In God will I praise his word: in the Lord will I praise his word.
11 In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.
Number Two - Oh this is a hard one, that I am still trying to adjust to, if I do everything PERFECT then I will have love and acceptance. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG. My life can NOT be about pleasing other people. It made/makes me EXHAUSTED trying to please everyone. I hated myself because I couldn't "fix" all my friend's problems, or my problems. You know who was the problem? ME, yep me, I said it. I was trying to do God's job and run the universe and took on the burden of everyone else and my problem's when my little self couldn't fix it. I was NEVER called to do that, and I picked up mine and everybody's problems and put them on my shoulders and like a football player I attempted to carry them. Everybody needed Stacey strong and they always told me their problems and guess what? Me, Stacey, would hate myself for not being stronger. Do you see how cunning the devil is? He made me miserable why I was trying to do a good thing and help people? The problem was I was trying to help them and not turning to God to help me and them. Just recently I learned something deep. Prayer is the best way to change a situation. You are probably thinking duh how did you not know that? I had a head knowledge but it didn't really get in my heart. It was just a cliche to me. But then one night I got on my face and I searched my heart and I prayed to God from the depths of my pain, heart and lostness. He heard me and then I discovered just how to pray. Praying to God is more than just words, and more than reciting words from someone else, and more than giving a few minutes a day to God. It is genuinely and honestly searching yourself and being open to your pain, open to your problems, opening up your mind AND your heart to Jesus. Heart yes your heart, your whole heart, soul and mind, being real with the ONE who knows your thoughts already. So why do I have to be real if he knows them? Because a real friend tells all their secrets to this best friend, and doesn't hold back. And Jesus is your Savior and Lord, shouldn't He be your best friend? The relationship with Him is more than you could ever have with a person on this world. Your prayer life is a direct line to getting help for your problems. You want to see your life turn around, get on your knees, repent of your sins, seek His will for your life, and trust Him no matter what comes at you. Look up at the Lord and not down at your own problems. Spend time in prayer and get into a heart relationship with Jesus not a head ritual.
I was planning on writing more but I feel like I should stop there today. Why don't you go find a quiet place and try praying to Jesus. Does it feel silly to pray out loud? Well get in a quiet place and do it. How are you suppose to trust God and have a relationship with Him if you can't even pray to him? He doesn't need rituals, and big words, he just wants you. All of you, your hurts, pains, thoughts, bitterness, anger, and false idols. Once all that is gone, then you can hear His voice and leading and then you can continue on His plans for your life. Don't be burdened down on your path, tired and hopelessly. Reach out for His hand, and walk with Him, not ahead or against Him. But walk with Jesus, talk with Jesus and live for Jesus!
Jeremiah 17
5 Thus saith the LORD; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the LORD.
6For he shall be like the heath in the desert, and shall not see when good cometh; but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land and not inhabited.
7Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.
8For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.
9The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
10I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, andaccording to the fruit of his doings.
11As the partridge sitteth on eggs, and hatcheth them not; so he that getteth riches, and not by right, shall leave them in the midst of his days, and at his end shall be a fool.
Jeremiah's Prayer for Deliverance
12A glorious high throne from the beginning is the place of our sanctuary.
13O LORD, the hope of Israel, all that forsake thee shall be ashamed, and they that depart from me shall be written in the earth, because they have forsaken the LORD, the fountain of living waters.
14Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.
15Behold, they say unto me, Where is the word of the LORD? let it come now.
16As for me, I have not hastened from being a pastor to follow thee: neither have I desired the woeful day; thou knowest: that which came out of my lips was right before thee.
17Be not a terror unto me: thou art my hope in the day of evil.
18Let them be confounded that persecute me, but let not me be confounded: let them be dismayed, but let not me be dismayed: bring upon them the day of evil, and destroy them with double destruction.
The Sabbath Renewed
19Thus said the LORD unto me; Go and stand in the gate of the children of the people, whereby the kings of Judah come in, and by the which they go out, and in all the gates of Jerusalem; 20And say unto them, Hear ye the word of the LORD, ye kings of Judah, and all Judah, and all the inhabitants of Jerusalem, that enter in by these gates: 21Thus saith the LORD; Take heed to yourselves, and bear no burden on the sabbath day, nor bring it in by the gates of Jerusalem;22Neither carry forth a burden out of your houses on the sabbath day, neither do ye any work, but hallow ye the sabbath day, as I commanded your fathers. 23But they obeyed not, neither inclined their ear, but made their neck stiff, that they might not hear, nor receive instruction.
24And it shall come to pass, if ye diligently hearken unto me, saith the LORD, to bring in no burden through the gates of this city on the sabbath day, but hallow the sabbath day, to do no work therein;25Then shall there enter into the gates of this city kings and princes sitting upon the throne of David, riding in chariots and on horses, they, and their princes, the men of Judah, and the inhabitants of Jerusalem: and this city shall remain for ever. 26And they shall come from the cities of Judah, and from the places about Jerusalem, and from the land of Benjamin, and from the plain, and from the mountains, and from the south, bringing burnt offerings, and sacrifices, and meat offerings, and incense, and bringing sacrifices of praise, unto the house of the LORD. 27But if ye will not hearken unto me to hallow the sabbath day, and not to bear a burden, even entering in at the gates of Jerusalem on the sabbath day; then will I kindle a fire in the gates thereof, and it shall devour the palaces of Jerusalem, and it shall not be quenched.
Comments
Post a Comment